batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
