she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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