Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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