morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
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