he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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