u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
