Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
