you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
