We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
