I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
