I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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