found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
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