she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
My vagina just recognized that song.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
