Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
We need to get me chipped asap
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
