you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
