Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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