Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
