oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Randomize
