Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
