A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
