I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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