eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
