I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize