Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
