can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You may now shotgun with the bride
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
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