there's paper in my vomit.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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