next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
