EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
