I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
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