Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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