i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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