He disabled his match.com account in front of me
just tell him i said nine months
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize