I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
