when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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