Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
