If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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