hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
