Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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