Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
