Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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