a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
