you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
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dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
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But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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