i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
And the cops told us we were all naked.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
