i jhust puked up my retainher.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
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You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
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This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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