If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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