Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
