you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
