I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Randomize
