So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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