dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
This is my gift to your gina
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
