Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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