im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
