Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
