I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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