If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
