i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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