All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
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