i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
