Define "chronic" masturbator.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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