I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
