I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I came so hard my ears popped.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
