don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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