im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
