i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
