Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
