What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Also, beer. Big fan.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize